There is a Sufi story about a funeral. The coffin was about to be lowered into the grave when there was a knocking from within the coffin. The lid was removed and to everyone’s surprise, the man inside the coffin was alive! The official stated with authority that he had been declared dead by an expert, so the lid was nailed down again and the coffin was buried!!!!

Erickson repeatedly reminded us that everyone is as unique as their fingerprints, that there are no two sets of fingerprints that are the same. He also said that because every person is unique, we should tailor our approach to the individual and not tailor the individual to fit our favourite theory or model of therapy and also that to think that there could be one therapy approach which would be helpful for all people, of both genders, of all ages, from all ethnic backgrounds is ridiculous.

I have found that instead of asking what’s wrong with a client which will lead us towards diagnosing some condition, we can ask about what’s missing, what each individual client wants from us, what would be helpful for them, we are led into a respectful exploration – with each client – into their unique experience. This encourages us to be humbly curious instead of arrogantly knowing, from being an expert with THE answer to a fellow traveller towards a preferred goal.

In my teaching, I enjoy saying that I have no idea about how to tread anxiety, depression, phobias, obsessions, etc. and invite others to also be ignorant, and even disinterested. Instead, I have had so much satisfaction in seeing individuals clarify what’s missing for them, and then supporting them as they reconnect with this missing experience, becoming whole again, and heal.

My invitation is to put any diagnostic label aside and explore with each unique individual just what they want, what would be helpful for them and be interested to witness what follows.

Rob